HAPPY BIRTHDAY

read bout anything that you have on your wall. wanted to write there and wishes you so badly but something stops me. it brings me to the day which makes you and myself feel so guilty till today. i know everything's changed. i know what your friends will see in me, but not the true me, and you know that. i know you what you will choose. i know...i just happen to know. but it breaks my heart. how could a strong friendship could just feel apart just like that?

i dont get it... make me. i wanted us to go back the way we used to so badly. i wanted you to talk to me the way you used to. i wanted us to talk the way we used to. i wanted us to joke around again. but its just different now isn't it? i wish i wasn't there. i wanted to celebrat this very day with you. we were planning for so long, together. it was so important to me. i was anxious, but it turned out all too wrong, way tooo wrong. i wish i could just turn back time. i wish... i wish... i wish... laughing silently to myself. if you could predict whatever's coming your way. you wouldn't even say you wish now. i couldn't agree more. silly me.

happy brithday, kev. may all your wishes come true.
love always,
janice

TRYING TO BELIEVE

its how funny people can just change and ignore you just like that. Been so foolish to believe in people lately... shouldn't believe nor trying to. We used to hang out like best friends but now? just becuase i did one mistake and you guys are pushing me away?! what the fuck is wrong with you guys?! oh or mayb you guys just mix with people who define themseleves as cool and rich and being a freakin ass bitch huh?! we used to call you out whenever we were but not anymore cuz you're the one who's being such a bitch... not saying anything, no rings, ntg at all. are friends supposed to be like that?! i feel hurt and angry. thought you guys are not like the others but you're the same all of you. not only you guys look down on people, you discriminate them, you push them aside for just one stupid mistake. oh i see your true colors now. oh yes. laughing out to myslef for being so foolish. i wish i could care less. i wish we were never been friends. fucking assholeS. gah being so freakin emo lately no idea. guess its because of too many dramas and problems. oh well, 2010 is not my year... bad bad beggining...

WOW-NESS

double wow. lol.. 2 of my bff's birthday is just one day apart... 30th and 31st. but thrilled cuz get to celebrate it with her cuz she's d most important person to me! luv her heart her... even if u gonna freakin say i'm a lesbo or some shits lyk dat.. i won't put up with it cuz i luv her! and i dont even freakin care whatcha think bout me! she's amazing... she's different... she's unique and most importantly.. she's hot! how could eu ever get a hot bff? but if you're Paris Hilton so yeah.. lmao. ooooh and she could b a bitch sometimes! we have each other alrite and we hang on to each other too! betrayal will never get into our way...all i gotta say is that she's just a wonderful fren to me and i can't wait till THE DAY!! oh yeah....

THE ROCKING BOAT

would it be just fine if we could run away from all those unnecessary problems?

would it be just fine when we just leave it like that instead of thinking too much?

everything's gonna be fine... i assure you that... its just a matter of time

everything's a matter of time... you'll get use to that... you'll get use to that timing and gestures that could make your heart ache...

trust if a tough word... u and i knoe that.. but if we have faith in ourselves... we could even change our own destiny... yes the sky if high above us... but think properly... act wisely...then, no one will ever know what is on your mind... there is no one in this world we could get into their mind fully..

in other words... have faith in yourself... not in others because in a matter of time, they will just let you down...friends are eternity, yes. but ask yourself this.. could you trust them with your life? faith.... its all along about faith....

FRIENDSHIP

you said i pretended to be a friend... you're wrong.. i never pretended to be a friend... i trusted so much... i believe so much... instead... you get me wrong... disappointment got into my way... you should understand me i'm not anyone who's being fake... you have no idea what people could talk bout... and you have no idea what could people do out of desperation just because of friendship or shall i say... influence?

we were beyond friends... we were more than that and i truly appreciate that.. the people you know or the people you trusted the most could be the foe... could be the one who hurt you the most instead of people you thought is hurting you... how my heart shattered to pieces... you'll never know... i take friendship so importantly... sometimes its just words or even a phrase that could just change you of what you think about me... something you should know... someone you should find out who she is really... its not of what i heard. its what i see... she was doing or still doing it because she's afraid she will be alone... dont you ever wonder why she wants to create so much drama? and she... the one who i trusted too... sold us out... it was never about bitchin... it was about telling out the true feelings or thoughts we have.... or its just because we're not at your side so you think that we're bitching? what she said is not bitching? what we all said is not bitching? think throughly...

i will never play a true feelings... don't you ever wonder why we turned out to be like this? its because of someone's say/thoughts... i see through her now... you can only see a person's true color when you're not close with him/her... i wasn't pretending.. i wasn't trying to hurt you... i wasn't trying to fool around.... i wasn't trying to take our friendship/s away....and most importantly i wasn't playing the part of a friend... it was just all true friendship/s... it was all true feelings... i was never a faker... it all end this way just because of what we hear... of what we believe... maybe we shouldn't believe it at all... maybe we shouldn't even try to listen to what people say... when we listen... instead of hearing what people told us... we turn to be a monster... foe among friends...

i saw the message... how could you just misunderstand me like that? accusing me like that? i wasn't... i just couldn't bare to do this again... my heart was tearing apart... its just not right... she's just doing out of desperation of her "true" friendship... and she's just doing it all because of afraid of losing...i see all that alright...its all about manipulation... how a bitch she could be... and i see that alright too...you're right... a friendship could be so fragile...its just words that makes it all end.. you'll get it...one day... thanks for the days that we spent together... appreciates the friendship we once had... like i said... you're the only one i can trust... i hope you can think ... "its the person who are around us that we should be afraid of not anyone else" they can be fake...how sorry i felt and how disappointed i felt and still feel...and i reli do hope no one except you to know about this... i'm not afraid... i just doesn't want to create any drama...

LOST

i dont need anyone to tell me how i've changed and how i shud be treating people... wat's going on with me? i dont know and i dont wan to find that out either... but it makes me wonderin.. is it because of who or what i'm becoming makes me loose my best fren? he was d most wonderful person i ever met... i'll never forget him... but it breaks my heart when he choose to ignores... choose to avoid... does it always have to be time? i dont even know what i'm becoming of... sorry is not d word so.... *argh... been so emo lately... no idea why... shouldn't be cuz i'm happy.. or just trying to be happy? *don wana find that out either

FOOLISH-NESS

it was wrong... totally wrong... i'm too naive... to blv evry single thing you said... i blv eu now... wad was i thinking? gosh... it was just wrong... fortunately, it wasn't deep... smiled today... i wonder what it would be like now? couldn't get it out of my mind... thanks for letting me know... thanks for telling me... i was blessed... the thing i loved the most... the wind... you know now dont you?